While socialist protesters are issuing death threats peacefully protesting in Wisconsin, another gem of government ingenuity is gracing the horizon. According to The Department of Education, the number of schools that are considered failing under the No Child Let Ahead Act, er, “No Child Left Behind Act”, will take a Flintstones vitamin and move from 37% to 82% this year.
If you happen to be in one of those schools, let me break it down a little for you (you’re going to need it).
With an 82% failure rate…
If you are driving a car more than 3 tires are flat.
OR
For every 100 days you work, you get paid for 18 of them.
OR
Your past 10 trips to the doctor have resulted in 8 failed treatments.
OR
You pay for 10 lattes and get 8 empty cups.
If you need further clarification, please see me after class.
As if this is not ridiculous enough, the Department of Education is viewing this embarrassment as a problem with the standard as opposed to a problem with itself. The NCLB law was passed in 2002, its goal being a 100% student proficiency rate in math and reading by 2014. Now, I’m a history major so let me get the calculator out…12 years. They couldn’t figure out how to help a child become functionally literate in 12 years? I wouldn’t trust these guys with a hair net and a name tag, let alone my kid for 7 hours a day. And, in a stunning revelation of how low the bar is set for success, this goal of producing proficient students is viewed as wildly optimistic.
Last year, the Department of Education administered a $ 70 billion budget. According to their own website:
“Education is primarily a State and local responsibility in the United States. It is States and communities, as well as public and private organizations of all kinds, that establish schools and colleges, develop curricula, and determine requirements for enrollment and graduation. The structure of education finance in America reflects this predominant State and local role. Of an estimated $1.13 trillion being spent nationwide on education at all levels for school year 2010-2011, a substantial majority will come from State, local, and private sources. This is especially true at the elementary and secondary level, where about 89.2 percent of the funds will come from non-Federal sources.”
I couldn’t agree more. This begs the question, “What would you say, you do here?”
I have people skills.
But, never fear. According to the Department of Education remedies are available to combat their 18% success rate.
“The most severe consequences — interventions that could include closure or replacing staff — would be reserved for those schools where students have been failing to improve for several consecutive years.”
Once again, I totally agree. If an institution has been failing for years or decades, replacing staff or complete closure is the way to go. If only it were possible to fire public union employees.
Since laying-off groups of government employees has been recently shown to produce death threats, it will probably be easier to just close the whole department. So… it’s been nice knowing you Department of Education. I think re-allocating your $70 Billion towards paying off debt will do nicely. Maybe you should have taken pointers from the TSA, at least they only have a 70% failure rate.
But wait! The teachers scream. We’re doing this for the children! We can’t turn our back on our future! Really? If a 82% failure rate is what you view as help, I would hate to see what you consider sabotage. Nobody is saying you can’t continue to help the children; we’re just saying the federal government can’t do it with you.
We live in America, home of the buffet. The government is not the only game in town. It is rumored that there are places called “charter schools” where you can direct your educational checking account (currently known as school vouchers) towards the educational establishment of YOUR CHOICE.
Bottom line, with public education’s journey to the dark side almost complete, we may want to wake up to the fact that the educational equivalent of Wal-Mart is more useless than a TSA screening point.
With friends like the Department of Education, who needs enemies?
The Brazen 3 